A Mom On A Guilt Trip!
Whether you’re a new mum or have 3 kids this is one phenomenon each one of us have experienced at some point or another. Most of the time it has to do with the fact that you feel you’re neglecting your duties as a mother, the duties that you owe to your kids. However there are many forms of Mom Guilt that we experience in this particular country that only us Indian women might understand.
One of those many kinds of “Mom Guilt” is experienced by those who are part of a joint family. Your responsibilities extend far and wide, from your husband’s parents to his sister to even his extended family sometimes. There might be a wedding or a funeral and that’s it! Your life gets turned up side down and there goes your time with your kids! Even the thought of keeping your daily routine going can go out the window. More often than not kids are partly or wholly taken care of by nannies and maids at such situations. And what are you left with once the festivities or the many many funeral rights are over? Yes you guessed right – Mom Guilt.
Weekends mean nothing when you’re a mom, in fact a day with the kids at home somehow seems to be much more work than when you have some precious me time during school hours. An early Saturday morning can really suck when your husband insists on going out Saturday night. You’re dying to just get into bed, as you know you’re in for an early Sunday morning. But you have responsibilities towards your spouse and your friends too so you grudgingly go ahead with your late night plans. Whether you go or stay back you’re left with one thing at the end of it – Mom guilt!
And then there’s the classic kind. The fact that you constantly feel you’re not doing enough for your kids. You cant cook as well as other mums do, you can’t do as many activities with your kids as other mums do, you don’t take them out as much as other mums do, etc etc. Delayed vaccinations, eye checkups, dental appointments and missed play dates all seem to pile up on your head. Never mind that you yourself have had a constant, worrying pain in your back and have had no time to go to the doctor to get it checked. A constant reminder from your husband doesn’t help if its not followed up with an offer to take the kids for their next doctor’s appointment.
Well to sum up we all suffer from Mom Guilt. Even the most seemingly together mum at some point or the other feels like she’s screwing it up. Just knowing that we’re all in it together gives me at least some form of assurance. All I can say is know that whatever you’re doing at the end of the day your kids worship you and need you to be the best version of yourself. Beating yourself up over it doesn’t help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your husband or even your in laws. Sit out the next school event and ask other family members to attend. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. Take that “me time” which may come as a spa day while dad entertains the kids on a Sunday or even just a girls night out with your friends. You’ll be a much better mom once you’ve taken a break! As someone once said “Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.”